Whispers
by SabaceanBabe
Summary: How could she have been so foolish as to leave him behind? A Helo and Sharon fic, with some Kara, too.


**Whispers**

Author: SabaceanBabe

Rating: PG

Characters: Boomer, Starbuck

Spoilers: the mini

Disclaimer: The lovely and talented Ron Moore said that we could play in his sandbox. I'm taking full advantage of that, but I'll put everybody back when I'm finished and have no intention of making any kind of profit from them.

Author's note: Don't know where this came from, but it demanded to be written.

xxx

If she could just keep moving, she could keep the panic at bay, stop herself from seeing his eyes as she left him, and drown out the whispers – the horrible whispers – at the back of her mind.

_Helo!_ But her screams were silent, heard by no one but herself. _Helo!_

"Lieutenant Valerii?"

Sharon jerked violently at the tentative touch on her shoulder, spun to look at the man for whom her copilot, her teacher, her friend had given up his life.

_"A civilian should take my place." Helo begged her with his eyes… willing her to understand._

But Sharon _didn't_ understand. Not at all, not then and not now; couldn't comprehend what could make him give his place away to a stranger, no matter who that stranger was. She glared at Dr. Gaius Baltar as Helo's words swirled around in her head, mingling with the whispers.

_"Sharon, _look_ at those clouds and tell me this isn't the end of everything."_

He had held her in place with his eyes and with his hands, fingers biting into her muscles. There had been fear in Helo's eyes, in his voice, but a terrible resolution as well. She had tried to tell him that he was going with her, would have forced him into the Raptor then, if she'd had the strength to do it. She had wanted to, wanted to shove him roughly through the hatch and slam it closed behind them both, leaving the survivors stranded in that Caprican meadow.

_"Whatever future's left, it's going to depend on whoever survives. Give me one reason why I'm a better choice than one of the greatest minds of our time."_

Even now, hours after she'd left him there, staring after the departing Raptor, watching his only chance to escape the slow death that inexorably stalked all those planet-side as it dwindled and finally disappeared, Sharon felt ashamed that she had thought one man more important than the entire human race. The Chief's face made a brief appearance in her mind's eye before he was subsumed by her last sight of Karl Agathon, standing straight and tall in that damned meadow.

"Lieutenant Valerii." Baltar's voice broke through again and Sharon realized that she was descending into a state of shock. She forced herself to meet his eyes. "Someone is pounding on the door. Shouldn't you open it?" His eyes were wide. A streak of dirt ran down his left cheek.

Moving slowly, the whispers that she couldn't quite understand overwhelming the memories of Helo's abandonment – no, of her abandonment of him – Sharon activated the switch that broke the seal on the hatch. There was a hiss of air as the barrier was released. She turned toward the sound, watched as if from far away as the hatch opened and someone on Galen's orange-suited deck crew popped his head through the opening.

"Lieutenant? Is everything okay in here?"

Sharon recognized Socinus. "Yeah. Yes, everything's okay. Could you… Could you take these people to…" Her voice shook. She had to get herself under control. She took a deep breath, stood, and began again. "Could you take these people to the quartermaster? She'll need to find them someplace to stay."

"Sir?" Socinus looked at the group of children and adults before him as though he had just now noticed them and Sharon realized that he must be in a bit of shock, too.

"They're refugees. Survivors from Caprica City." She suddenly felt bile rise to the back of her throat, threaten to choke her. _Helo!_ She wanted them off the Raptor. She never wanted to see any of them again. _Helo!_

"Yes, sir. I'll see to it, Lieutenant."

After a time, Sharon realized that she was alone in the Raptor. She heard voices and chaos just outside the hatch, but within all was still. Her wandering gaze fell on the abandoned helmet that lay on the flat gray deck beside the ECO station.

Feeling numb, she ignored the flickering telltales of the instrument panel, the empty chair, the dried spray of Helo's blood, and walked slowly toward his helmet. She grasped its sturdy weight in her hands.

She cradled Helo's forgotten helmet to her chest, trying very hard not to think, when she heard Starbuck's voice outside, cutting through the chaos.

"Where is she?" She didn't hear the response, if any.

There was a tone in Kara's voice that she didn't immediately identify. Still holding Helo's helmet, Sharon turned and exited the Raptor, had taken the last step down onto Galactica's landing deck, when something flew at her, knocked her from her feet. The helmet went flying and Sharon watched as it tumbled and rolled across the deck, coming to rest against the landing struts of another Raptor.

"You left him behind!" Moving as though she were enveloped in viscous goo, Sharon tore her gaze from the still-rocking helmet, met Kara's eyes. Suddenly, she understood the odd tone in her friend's voice. It was rage. Rage mixed with fear and bewilderment. "How could you just leave him!"

_If looks could kill…_ Sharon thought. She felt a distant ache in her right elbow – she must have landed on the bone when Kara hit her. "I—"

"He was your _ECO_! Your _copilot_! You _don't_ leave your own behind!" Some of the rage had faded from Kara's voice, replaced by pain.

"Kara, I—" _I didn't want to leave him,_ she wanted to say. _I tried to make him come with me!_ But the words just wouldn't come. Sharon shook her head as the whispering returned, louder than before. She still couldn't make out the words, but she knew they meant something.

"Frak you, you bitch. You killed him." Without giving Sharon a chance to defend herself, to defend her actions – _there is no defense_ – Kara spun on her heel and left. It was only then that Sharon made the connection that Kara – Starbuck – was in a flight suit, her hair damp with sweat, that she was no longer confined to the brig.

Sharon took a deep shuddering breath, almost a sob, and sat there on the landing deck, post-battle chaos swirling around her. She wrapped her arms around her knees and let the tears come.

Helo was gone. She would be able to work things out with Kara eventually, she was sure, but she didn't know if she could work them out with herself.

Helo was gone, taking with him the only protection she had against the whispers.


End file.
